After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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