I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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