am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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