carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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