I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
