her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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