Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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