my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
