we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
