I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
