from now on my penis is your penis
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
