No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
