I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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