My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
