I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
