And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
