How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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