I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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