Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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