just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Your mouth is God's brothel.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
