please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
