Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
