I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
