Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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