i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
