I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
