I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
