I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
