Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
