Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
