Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
