Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
