so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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