I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize