So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
