Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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