So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
