I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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