I accidentally had phone sex last night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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