One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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