i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
