No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
