So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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