1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there's paper in my vomit.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
