God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
