just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
