YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
