Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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