it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
