Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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