I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
