So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
