none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
