Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
