you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she looked like the before picture.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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