Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
