The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
