I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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